When I was eight years old, I went through what my family called “the chubby stage.” I lived in a small town with my mom’s family as neighbors on all sides. One day, while playing with my cousin Jeanie at her house, I overheard a conversation between Jeanie’s mom, my aunt Evelyn and my own mother being held in the kitchen. I admired my aunt so much because she was a nurse! So, her words were always impactful to me. I heard my aunt casually remark to my mother, “It is a good thing Barbara Ann is smart because she will never be pretty.”
I was devastated. Those negative words were repeated 10,000 times in my head in a nanosecond. To this day, that eight-year-old me can still hear them! My aunt meant no malice with her insensitive remark, and I never told her how much the words hurt me. My mother and father listened as I cried out my pain that evening at home. I am eternally grateful for their reassurance and support, which bolstered me through a very rough spot.
Such painful words affect our daily lives. They echo in our heads. Overcoming these negative messages delivered by the media, society, and those we love, trust, respect is not easy. But then, neither is the struggle to manage such a multidimensional, challenging illness.
“Fat shaming” as an unacceptable act has gained increased coverage in the media in recent years. Much of this 180o turn has to do with the announcement by the National Institutes of Health that obesity is considered to be an actual disease. Those who struggle with the disease, at last, have proof of what they have known all along. They are using their voices to stand against fat shaming and others who would put them down and label them as lazy, dumb gluttons, which has resulted in the perception of a negative body image.
A negative body image can lead to health issues, including depression, anxiety, isolation, inactivity and use of food to soothe emotions—all of which compound the problem and result in even lower self-esteem. Overcoming such perception is essential to living the life we deserve at any size and at every stage. Each of us is much more than a number on a scale, a size label in a garment or a calibration on a measuring tape. The mind, heart, talent, personality and skills of each of us are our true gifts to the world and are priceless treasures to be shared. We must use our voices to honor the best in every individual.
As a member of a support group, I share a safe haven where beauty is much more than appearance. My body is the vessel in which I live my life. It carries me through every challenge so that I may share my gifts, talents and strengths. It does not define my self-worth. I honor it for all it does.
Let’s seek out and help others find a realistic path that empowers the difficult journey to live fully and completely. Let’s stay active, forgive ourselves when we stumble, help each other, listen and hear, and build self-confidence. Let’s not forget to be our own best friend in the process. Through our words and actions, let’s always appreciate and accept the uniqueness of each of us as we get better every day.
Let us resolve to stamp out fat shaming.
“May our words be as apples of gold on branches of silver.”
Proverbs 25:11
I Care, Barb
By Nancy June 25, 2021
We will feel much happier if we just let go of the hurtful things people have said to us and forgive them–after all we aren’t angels when it comes to some of the things we say to others. Maybe we didn’t mean to be hurtful, either. Fact is, most of those people probably only said it in passing–maybe they were having a bad day. Let it go, it happened a lon-n-n-g time ago! They probably don’t even realize that it hurt you and you are holding onto it in your memory. Try to focus on your best memories and blessings–you deserve the best!
By JoyAnn Osborne March 2, 2020
When I was a youngster my dad calked me “Rolly Polly daddy’s little fatty.
It broke my heart and I used to eat to get rid of my sorrow.
I have seen pictures of myself as that youngster and I had not an ounce of fat on me then…I do now.
By Patty Taylor February 7, 2020
Well said.
My 5th grade teacher called me back to her desk after I turned in a paper, I thought wow, I am going to get praise—wrong, she announced I had the worst walk that she had ever seen! Sixty three years later, it is still like yesterday!
By Rosie Tyler February 5, 2020
I can’t thank you enough for sharing this with us. As a child I too was shamed. I was compared to my younger sibling she was told she was more beautiful and had beautiful hair. Those words resonated in my mind for many years. I felt I wasn’t good enough, not pretty enough, wasn’t deserving of the best. I suffered from very poor self esteem and made some very poor choices. It took years but now I know, I am unique, God made me just as I am. We can’t “un-hear” but we can learn to love and accept ourselves as is and when we do that we have plenty of love to go around. That’s one of the blessing of my TOPS group we share that love and acceptance.
By Shirley Renaud February 5, 2020
This has to be one of the most moving blogs I’ve read Barb. Once words have been said, no matter how much you try to erase them it just doesn’t Happen. Like our pastor said, it’s like when you squeeze toothpaste out of a tube, there is no way that you can put it back in without making a huge mess..no use trying.
Thank you once again for sharing your experiences. They are always the best. ou realize that you’re not alone on this journey.♥
By Brenda Powers February 5, 2020
Thank you for sharing. I have a quote posted in my office that helps me during difficult times. “The road to success is not straight. There is a curb called Failure, a loop call Confusion; speed bumps called Friends; red lights called Enemies; caution lights called Family. You will have flats called jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination; an engine called Perseverance; insurance called Faith, and driver called Jesus, you will make it to a place called Success!!! ” God Bless you Barb Cady!!!!
By Sandra Hangey February 4, 2020
I can remember every harsh, hurting word that was ever spoken to me, especially by my family. I don’t remember any of the kind and loving things, even though I know there were some. hurtful words do indeed echo over and over and over until the day we die. Thank you for sharing this with us. one of the most hurtful thing was from 2 young men that were pumping gas as I was pumping gas into my car. they simply both said Oink Oink as they drove off, leaving me n tears. that was when I was in my 20’s and I am now 75. there is no truth to the sticks and stone may break my bones, words will never hurt me. the bones would heal, the words never do
By Wanda Lansdowne February 4, 2020
Barb you are beautiful inside and out! You are right it does affect us my stepmother use to all my size 10 feet “ferryboats” so I have always been sensitive to my big feet.
By Ron Wenberg February 4, 2020
I STILL feel fat at times, even after 44 years of losing and KEEPING off over 100 lbs and being a KOPS the same length of time. We women just seem to do this to ourselves and our brains. UGH! Maybe that’s why some of us try to “over achieve” in other areas, to make up for the sad feelings we carry about ourselves. Thanks Barb for always giving us encouraging words of wisdom!
By Joan Tinkham February 4, 2020
What a great message, I loved it. I also heard all my life how BIG I was. Not tall, just BIG.
By Susan Morrow February 4, 2020
I was FAT SHAMED when I was young. I was also BULLIED. I ATE to feel better. All my family were THIN. JOINING TOPS gave me back my self esteem. As a mother of 3 daughters I encouraged better eating habits. TOPS gave me that HOW TO. I THANK TOPS every day & I make wise CHOICES in my meals. It’s the KNOW HOW from my TOPS group that gets me through each day.
By Betty Jo Allred February 4, 2020
This is so inspirational, I am at a very low point in my weight loss journey. No matter what I do I can’t seem to lose. I have lost 95 pounds but for the last several months I haven’t lost any and matter fact I gained a few pounds back. In matter of fact I thinking that I might not go to my meeting Thursday.
Thank you so much for sharing.
God Bless you
By Susan Sotelo February 4, 2020
We all have set backs. Please go to your meeting, so you can get the support of your group. Keep trying, never give up.
By Mary Anne Konicki September 9, 2020
Congratulations on your weight loss!! Betty Jo did you not want to go to the meeting because you may find out that you gained some weight? I struggle with that dilemma a lot. I talk myself right out of going to a meeting so I don’t have to face the scale.
By Janet Long February 3, 2020
Thanks for sharing with everyone your struggles. We all have heard things similiar. I had similar experence not about my weight but about my clothes I wear. Thanks again take care.Love you & Love Tops!
By Debbie Carter February 3, 2020
Hi Barb! Love This!! Thank You So Much for sharing this and the scripture verse too… Debbie 🙂
By Maimie Parker February 3, 2020
“WELL SAID”…. I remember you commenting a number of years ago at an IRD (or PRD), and how it made you feel….
“We can all relate to many insensitive remarks!!!!” …how many people “weren’t meant to be malicious, just helpful!!!” … but it depends on how we “heard those words”, and how we felt when we heard them…
By Carmel February 3, 2020
I love your story it brought a true meaning for me and everyone else Tudor sharing your tops friend Carmel or#0634 prineville
By Tammy Prier February 3, 2020
Thank you Barb- each one of us has a special gift we need to move forward.
By cathy February 3, 2020
Oh boy can I relate to this..I grew up being told over and over that I don’t matter and no one would ever want me cause I was fat..I even had teachers tell me..My size always seemed to be the center of everyone who came in contact with me..They would see me but never go any further to get to know me. Growing up always feeling like a nothing and ugly and especially Fat made a huge impact on my life. I even became a hermit for 5 yrs cause I was tired of Society and their treatment of me…Its real and I wish people would give us a chance to show we are the same as them..
By LEANNE M PUGLIESE February 3, 2020
I am sorry that you heard those words you can never “unhear”…but we do know that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Thanks for sharing this and let us all be very careful about what comes out of our mouths!